How to get ready for work in 15 minutes

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep sounds your alarm for the 500^th time! You roll over press your home button and realize its 7:30; you have to be to work by 8:00.  In order for that to happen you have to be fully clothed and out the door at 7:45….

Normal people would panic in this situation.. ME, I calmly roll outta bed and get my day started.  You see, this is me EVERY single morning.  I’ve been like this since High School, I can NEVER wake up on time and I’m always in a rush to get ready, thus looking like ASS TRASH by the time I’m heading out the door.  I’ve perfected this routine perfectly and want to share with you in case you’re ever in a panic…

BRUSH YOUR TEETH: no time to do this for 3 minutes (or however long you’re supposed to), so ya better brush hard, 20 seconds MAX

SHOWER: You better hope that you took a shower the night before, if not you have about 90 seconds to get in and out... BE CAREFUL, you’re going to be in a panic at this point and you don’t want to slip getting out of the shower.

APPLY MAKEUP: You’re running so late, there’s barely time… Eyeliner, Mascara, Powder GO!!!

HAIR: you just washed your hair and it’s soaking wet with only 7 minutes remaining and you still have to get dressed and feed the cats…

DO NOT BRUSH: I know this seems weird, but it will take too much time.  Take hair out of towel and use a diffuser to give hair the “beach/wavy” look. 

More than likely you won’t have time to get your hair completely dry, if this is the case leave it down for now and right before you walk into work throw it into a low bun / Add headband if it’s too obvious how wet your hair still is

GET DRESSED: This is the best part, I never plan what I’m going to wear the next day, do your best to make sure what you choose isn’t TOO wrinkled and doesn’t have any stains on it.  Throw a scarf over entire outfit, the more layers, the more it looks like you spent time thinking about your outfit.

LEAVE: Haul AZZ outta your bathroom and pray your husband already fed the cats.  Grab keys, sprint to car and peel outta the driveway. These are your 5 minutes to relax and judge yourself for how bad your face looks today. Put on the shiniest lip gloss you have and a pair of giant earrings, this should detract from your face and disgusting outfit.

Steal the last good parking spot in the parking lot and RUN up 3 flights of stairs.  Again, be careful on this step, it’s EASY to fall UP stairs (it’s happened more than once)….

Arrive at work…..

You’re probably 5 minutes late, but HEY that’s not too bad… Try to sit as quietly at your desk as possible so you don’t bring attention to yourself.

Enjoy your day, REPEAT tomorrow….